Hashy 30th Birthday To All Eh3 Hashers

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1 Essex Hash House Harriers Issue 10from The Mistress: June-Sept 2014 Find us at Hashy 30th Birthday To All Eh3 Hashers Join a reunion r*n Monday 9th June pm The GenErals Arms 1

2 V A Run Report by Lara 9th March 2014 Run Number 1543 It was about 9am and I was curled up lying in the sun at the bottom of C U Next Tuesday's bed minding my own business and thinking, I haven't seen any other "old dogs" in here for a while, when he suddenly said "Shall we go on the Hashy Run today?" Well, it was hot, sunny and dry so that was good enough for me, so off we went to Galleywood... They all met in the car park of The Eagle Pub in Stock Road, I hadn't seen them for a few months as its been cold and wet and not Hashy weather for me. We got there about so I could have a quick wee on the grass before the 'off'. The 'Hare' today was Sooty and she seemed eager and excited that there were so many people arriving, must have been about 20 human Hashers turned up, and me and Bella. C U Next Tuesday mentioned to Tinkerbell that he hadn't been for a while and had new trainers to try out today (mistake!) I also heard I.E. telling him that she comes more when its hot, but he didn't pursue that. So, after a big circle at 11am we were off...i've never been to Galleywood before and we decided to hang back a bit a follow everyone else, the walkers had gone off on their own route and I trotted on with C U Next Tuesday. Sunny, warm and fun, a great Sunday morning. We hadn't gone very far when everyone turned down an alleyway behind some houses. There was a young man there on his own smoking a 'large cigarette' and as everyone jogged by they all said "Cor, that's Can-A-Biz". I hadn't met Mr Can-A- Biz before but after breathing in some of his smoke I must say I'm glad I had 4 feet rather than 2 as I was all over the place for a while!! The route took us into some fields and I was let off my lead for a fast jog. I sped past OMO and remembering how he likes his cereal I decided to take a dump in the corn field in front of him and C U Next Tuesday confirmed that this would be an added taste for him in a few weeks time in his Weetabix. Suddenly I was shouted at and grabbed! What had happened?? Earthquake? Aliens have landed? No, a loose horse was galloping in our direction. It appears the new guy Hasher (don't know his name yet) had gone round the corner of a field and startled a horse and rider so much that the horse had bucked her off and decided it would gallop away on its own. Thankfully no danger as the horse was off in another direction. After a lovely beer stop where I thought I was going to get some cake, but C U said no and eat mine, we decided that as I was panting so much we would go back with the walkers to the Pub. We had the large beer garden all to ourselves, not sure about the beer as C U Next Tuesday said it tasted a bit spicy but hey ho, cant be perfect all the time. I was happily sitting down eating some crisps when completely out the blue, Corpse Shagger walked backwards into me and fell arse over tit onto the grass! ha me and Bella looked at each other and smiled and thought 'silly old sod' PTO 2

3 Then came the 'down downs' Clearly C U Next Tuesday thought he had got away with it by changing his 'new trainers' into flip flops, but NO, Tinkerbell sussed this out and took one of his flip flops and immersed it into a pint glass and poor old C U had to drink through the sweaty smelly flip flop. Some beer nearly got spilt but Tinkerbell was quick off the mark and caught it in C U's baseball cap (which was even more sweaty and smelly than the flip flops), which again he had to drink! The new guy (still cant remember his name) was brought into the circle and christened by Tinkerbell for his antics with the horse and its rider. A great Sunday morning had by all and I look forward to the next one, well done Sooty... On On, Lara. Shampoo! Do not wash your hair with shampoo whilst in the shower or you will gain weight. That s because as you are washing your hair the shampoo runs down your body and it clearly states on the container For extra body and volume - so really it s no wonder that people put on weight whilst washing their hair. Instead use washing up liquid because it s label reads Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult remove Soft Of Heart A man is in a hotel lobby and wants to ask the concierge a question. As he turn to walk to the front desk he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him. As he does, his elbow goes into her breast. For a moment they are both quite startled. Then the man smiles, leans towards the lady and whispers in her ear, Ma am if your heart is as soft as your breast, then I know you ll forgive me The lady smiles back too and whispers back And if your penis is as hard as your elbow you ll find me in room 127 for the next three days 3

4 A Lamarsh virgin s view of a day out in the country! After a short bus trip from Wickford to Billericay, followed by a bus from Billericay to Basildon, I walked to the pickup point wondering just how many would be waiting there? loads of hashers!! Most already boisterous even through no beer had been consumed yet. After wrongly identifying the bus as ours, we waited for the right one to arrive, and were met by Windsock and A LIST! No one bothered to wait long enough for him to check us in and on we got to shouts of on on from more boisterous hashers! Off we went on a site seeing tour which included a P stop at a garage before hunting for some hashers waiting outside a pub- naturally! Our bus reversed into the pub car park and we waited for the Norfolk double decker to arrive, and while certain hashers looked along the road to watch its arrival, a single decker arrived from the other way, and off dashed quite a few Harriets in need of a P. Chaos ensued when the Norfolk Hash Flash asked the pack to face his way for a flash, while the Essex Hash Flash called for the pack to face his way because the sun was on our side! And so away we went on on into the countryside. And a good r*n it was too! Arrived back for a quick change and my own dash into the pub, but not for a P but for the first of many pints of good ale starting with the barrel of HARE. Different second pint as HARE was gone, and it was like that for the rest of the afternoon. A good meal, a very noisy circle, a totally bonkers landlord, and the best bit was the look on the faces of the under 11 s (?) League Champions, when they were paraded through a pub full of inebriated hashers who were cheering at the top of their voices and clapping loudly while the landlord practically rang the last orders bell off of its hook! Dancing was fun, and I received several cooling showers of tonic water? or lemonade? thanks to the landlord spraying us with the mixtures pump! Sadly we had to leave, and on arrival at Basildon, Mistress decided she needed to lie down on the pavement, and I almost went with her, but Panda grabbed me and we shared a taxi back to Wickford. We were a bit loud on the way back. So, all I can say is thank you thank you to Casey for planning, and thank you Essex H3 for being such a great pack! On On Stiff Meat 4

5 Saracens Head _ Great Dunmow Easter Monday - 21 st April 2014 Hares: Fergie & Basher Well an early pick up by our Dream Team of GM s meant that we were almost at Stansted by 10.30, so Heap o decided to do the remainder of the journey via a scenic route thro Takely. We still arrived in plenty of time to find the Hares chatting to Strangers! After finishing listening to popmaster we left the vehicle and became sociable. We discovered (over a tot of Honey Bushmills) that Fergie had been networking over the Easter weekend and met up with a Dunmow runner at a trail race. The short version is that as we were on their doorstep they would join us. Heapo welcomed Jailbird from Abu Dhabi, I wore the Hash Sh*t for pointing out to the puzzled GM that our EH3 Jailbird was male and the Master arrived just in time for Fergie to explain EH3 markings to our virgins. We all started in the same direction but very soon, the pack was just a distant memory. Heapo was given a map but it was an old OS map from before the A120 was built, hence the fact that we missed a trail to the flitch way. However, with Cum Cum s nose for sniffing out the quickest way to the pub & my sense of direction... YES!!! My sense of direction! We found trail & the On Inn. A longish trail as the pack did not return until well after We then met Wingnut, Jailbirds other half whom the GM had missed off his welcome speech before the On. The Houghton crew were on their way home from a Norfolk weekend so were without their usual washdown water (Obviously Norfolk has a water shortage at the mo) so they returned to the local spring to wash some of the shaggy off their very fit physique. Dr D was busy doing a Sudoku whilst Mr Vomit stood in as RA and what a great job he did with the weather. It turns out that one of the Dunmow crew is a long & very lost relative of Fergie, another McKenna!!!! They joined in & downed their drinks before winning several of the very good quality raffle prizes. Lovely trail & On On even if the pub is in the running for the dearest we have visited this year On On Sooty. - The Spa, Hockley, Monday 5th May 2014 Corpse Shagger and Tenna Lady A bright and breezy Bank Holiday found a smaller than usual crowd ready to enjoy a hash around this busy area. It felt like the pub was on a traffic island. A shattered looking CS + TL accompanied by a dog tired Bella arrived back from laying the trail and indulged in a spot of refreshments from their flask. Off we set for a picturesques r*n mainly around Hockley woods and fields. A well laid trail and a super beer stop in the woods with plenty of stumps to sit on. Our tree felling hashers attempted to push down a tree obviously marked for the chop. Timbeer was the call along with On On. R*nning mainly at the rear I tend to miss any sinning going on but our stand in RA found a few culprits. Vicky Vomit stood in the sunshine he had ordered waiting for the hashers who were chatting up the barmaid and attempting to prove they were either younger or older than they looked!! Down downs went mainly to the late comer s. A great social way to spent a holiday Monday. On On Mistress 5

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8 JOIN US FOR THE BANK HOLIDAY HASH MONDAY 26 MAY 11AM AT THREE ELMS The Cider Provider and Real Ale Pub MASHBURY ROAD, CHIGNAL ST JAMES CM1 4TZ ENJOY A BEER AND CIDER FESTIVAL BBQ FOOD ALL DAY + LIVE MUSIC FROM 3PM PARKING IN A NEARBY FIELD MASTER AND MISTRESS 8