Expository Writing Elementary Student Sample Compositions from The Write Source

Transcription

1 Expository Writing Elementary Student Sample Compositions from The Write Source

2 Intended Use The compositions found in this document may be used during the immersion phase of the Breathing Life into Essays unit of study for grades 3 5 students. A variety of purposes and organizing structures are used to develop a line of thinking or position about a subject. Titles of Essays Adopting a Pet from the Pound, Grade 4 Rules, Grade 4 My Mother, Grade 4 Ann (A Special Friend), Grade 4 Letter to the Editor, Grade 5 The Great Paw Paw, Grade 7 Friendship, Grade 6 Cheating in America, Grade 6

3 This model is based on an essay submitted by fourth-grader Kristyn. She clearly states her opinion in the first paragraph. Then she shares a supporting reason in each of the middle paragraphs. Adopting a Pet from the Pound Owning a pet from the pound or Animal Rescue League has many advantages. First of all, a child feels good about rescuing an abandoned or abused animal and giving it a whole new life. Besides, if the animals from the pound aren t adopted right away, they might be put to sleep. Having a pet also means lots of responsibilities. A child has to feed, clean up after, brush, and exercise the pet. Another great advantage of having a pet from the pound is the price of these cute and cuddly animals. Pets from the pound cost only a few dollars while pets at a fancy pet store can cost hundreds of dollars. Once you adopt a pet from the Animal Rescue League, it will quickly become a part of your family. If you are thinking of adopting a pet, you might consider choosing a dog or a cat. Dogs and cats can bring lots of happy times to a family, and they can be excellent companions for a person who lives alone or someone who has lost a loved one. Dogs are also a wonderful source of protection. Cats are funny, and they may help to calm people down when they are sad or mad. Please consider adopting an animal. If you remember all of the advantages of adopting a pet from the pound, you might find the bird, mouse, hamster, dog, or cat of your choice.

4 This model is based on an essay submitted by fourth-grader Isabel. In the second paragraph, Isabel adds interest and humor to her writing by including her personal comments in parentheses. Rules One day, on the way home from school, my mom told me she was going to make up some new rules for me and my brothers and sisters. Before this, we knew she wanted us to be good, but we really didn t have any rules. Well, Mom took care of that. On Sunday, she started giving us the house rules. Clean your rooms every other day. Be ready for dinner at 7:00 p.m. (that means sitting at the table, with clean hands). If Mom is having a meeting in the house, be very quiet (that means turn down the music and the TV). Be ready for bed at 9:30 p.m. (that means lying in bed, with clean faces). Get up at 7:30 a.m. to get ready for school (that means your feet are on the floor, not just hanging off the bed). Take the garbage cans to the curb on Monday morning before school. Clean the bathroom on Thursday. Following these rules isn t too hard, and sometimes it s even fun. Other times, it can be tough. For instance, if your room is really dirty, and you can t finish cleaning it on that day, you have to finish it on the next day, along with anything else you have to do. That can be hard. Mom made these rules because she loves us a lot. She wants us to learn how to be on time, be clean and neat, and be polite. Every day, we try to follow her rules.

5 Fourth-grader Abigail wrote an essay that describes how great her mother is. She includes both serious and fun reasons! My Mother Do you have someone who is great, spends time with you, cares for you, and is an important person? Well, I do, and she has black hair, brown eyes, and a caring touch. That s my mom. My mom talks to me about many things. One of the things she talks to me about is what will happen when I grow up. She tells me what to do in case of an emergency. And one day I had a really bad day with my friends, and she told me what to do about it. My mom and I spend a lot of time together. We play games, bake cookies, make necklaces, and draw doodle tricks. But our favorite thing to do is read. Our favorite book is If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. Mom takes me shopping at the mall. We buy toys and clothes, and we eat at the café. We usually get Chinese food or go to a McDonald s restaurant. When we ride the escalator, my mom pretends to fall back and says, My shoestring s stuck! My mom always laughs, and when she laughs she sounds like a hyena gone crazy! She doesn t laugh every day, but when she does, it s hilarious, and I have to laugh, too! My mom is the greatest. I love how she jokes around. She is always fun no matter what, and she gives me great advice. My mom is more than a mom; she is like my best friend!

6 Kendra, a fourth grader, submitted this model in which she shares a very personal experience. Ann Do you have a friend who loves you? Well, I did. Her name was Ann. She was a very close friend of mine. She was almost like family to me. Ann was very kind, and she had bright blue eyes and curly gray hair. I loved her very much. She invited me to go swimming every summer. We had a lot of fun all those summers. But she could not get in the water most of the time because she was sick. Sometimes my sisters would come swimming, too. But it was better with just Ann and me because I just wanted to spend time with her. Ann always listened to me when I had a problem. She was always there for me when I needed help on homework or had problems at school. Sometimes she would let me come in her house, and she would give me something to eat. Most of the time it would be an orange and a soft drink. Last summer that all changed. Ann was diagnosed with cancer. Two weeks after Ann was diagnosed with cancer, she died. Her funeral was not too long after that. My mom did not let me go to the visitation at the funeral home or to the funeral ceremony. My heart broke. Ann was no longer there with me. Now, it s been a year since Ann s death, but I still dream about her. Now it s hard without her. My whole life has changed without Ann, and I really miss her. I know that everywhere I go there will always be a spot in my heart for Ann!

7 Fifth-grader Melissa clearly states her opinion in the first paragraph. She shares supporting ideas, with details, in the middle paragraphs. In her conclusion, she restates her opinion in a fresh way. Dear Editor, Letter to the Editor I m writing to you about the Teacher-Who-Made-a- Difference contest. Ms. Wells made a difference to me! I think she should be the winner of your contest. Ms. Wells has done so much for me and for all of her students; this is the least I can do for her. First of all, Ms. Wells is helpful. She s willing to help anyone in the classroom who needs help. My teacher always helps us with worksheets. On Friday, she showed me how to do something in math. If you ask her for help, she ll help you. In addition, Ms. Wells is a kind person. She always lets her students stay in from recess. On February 26, she let our class have a Colonial Day. We got to dress up like colonists; it was a blast! Not only is she kind to kids, but she s also kind to other teachers and parents. She is always thoughtful and considerate. Lastly, Ms. Wells donates her time to kids. She donates her lunch recess for Student Council, which meets in her room. Last fall, Ms. Wells promised me that she would come to one of my soccer games. Guess what? She did, even though she had a lot of school stuff to correct and had to leave for Chicago. In conclusion, I think Ms. Wells should be the winner of your contest. She is helpful and kind and gives her free time to students. I know you will agree with me that Ms. Wells is a Teacher Who Made a Difference. She s the best! Sincerely, Melissa

8 Charlotte, the seventh-grade writer of this model, organizes her essay into paragraphs that describe different aspects of her subject. The closing leaves the reader with a clear idea of the important place her grandfather holds in her memory. The Great Paw Paw Memory. The dictionary defines it as the mental ability to recall past experiences. We think of it as that picture we saw, the words she said. Who in your life is so vivid in your memory that you could describe him or her without a second thought? For me, it s my grandpa. But when I was small, I couldn t say Grandpa, so 13 years ago, Theodore Lazarus became Paw Paw. To all the grandkids, Paw Paw was full of fun and games. We all remember his favorite expressions, the ones that would pop out each time we saw him. Luckily, we visited Paw Paw quite often. We often overheard his little squabbles. No way, José! Paw Paw would yell; in response, we would shout back, Yes way, José! and burst into giggles. My younger siblings and cousins would tell Paw Paw about school, or ballet, or baseball, or their pet iguana, and just when they got into the story, he d roar, No kiddin! with a huge smile on his face. Paw Paw helped us remember that life should be fun. Being the oldest of all the grandchildren, I remember more than my siblings and cousins do, but we all remember how predictable Paw Paw s clothes would be. Most likely, he d be wearing a white cotton shirt under another shirt, which was the kind that is red or blue, has one or two breast pockets, is plaid or striped, with buttons down the front. Being loose, it covered his big, round belly. He d be sitting in the tall wooden chair in the corner by his desk, shouting into the black telephone with the big buttons. Or, if he wasn t there, he d be in his black leather recliner, watching a game on TV. Sometimes he d let us snuggle next to him. When Paw Paw wasn t relaxing, he d be in the backyard garden, weeding and pulling, planting and potting, until the time came in the spring or summer when the garden came alive with the colors of the flowers and vegetables he raised. I remember his old, worn hands that did everything: built the wooden tree house for me to play in, built the toolshed, plugged in the Barbie car so it would be ready for me to ride when I came over, fixed the TVs and VCRs so I could watch Wee Sing, and just played blocks with his grandchildren. He always took time to play with us. He would never tell us, but I know he was proud of all his nine grandkids. We ranged in age from 1-12 when he died last summer of a severe stroke. When I remember Paw Paw now, I think of the pictures on Grandmother s cabinet pictures of me and Paw Paw when I was two years old and the only grandchild. In one picture, we re lying on the bed, me in my flowered pajamas, him in his usual outfit. I had my bottle in one hand, the Sunday comics in the other (upside down!). He was reading the comics to me so we could laugh together. I will remember that for the rest of my life, and I will remember that he always loved me.

9 Five paragraphs in the body of this essay one for each of the senses provide a clear organization pattern that is easy for the reader to understand. Note that each of the five paragraphs begins with a sentence that repeats the same, simple pattern. This repetition of a sentence pattern provides unity. The use of an extended metaphor comparing friendship to the making and baking of bread works quite well and shows that Nate, the sixth grade writer of this essay, is willing to take creative risks. Friendship A dictionary contains a definition of friendship somewhere in the F s between the words fear and Friday. An encyclopedia supplies interesting facts on friendship. But all the definitions and facts do not convey what friendship is really all about. It cannot be understood through words or exaggerations. The only way to understand friendship is through experience. It is an experience that involves all the senses. Friendship can be seen. It is seen in an old couple sitting in the park holding hands. It is the way they touch, a touch as light as a leaf floating in the autumn air, a touch so strong that years of living could not pull them apart. Friendship is seen in a child freely sharing the last cookie. It is the small arm over the shoulder of another as they walk on the playground. Seeing friendship is not casual. It is watching for subtlety, but friendship is there for eyes that can see. Friendship can be heard. It is heard in the words of two friends who squeezed in lunch together on an extremely busy day. It is the way they talk to each other, not the words. Their tone is unique. Friendship can be heard by those willing to listen. Friendship is felt in a touch. It is a pat on the back from a teammate, a high five between classes, the slimy, wet kiss from the family dog. It s a touch that reassures that someone is there, someone who cares. The touch communicates more than words or gestures. It is instantly understood and speaks volumes beyond the point of contact, to the heart. Friendship has a taste. It tastes like homemade bread, the ingredients all measured and planned, then carefully mixed and kneaded, then the quiet waiting as the dough rises. Hot from the oven, the bread tastes more than the sum of its ingredients. There is something else there, perhaps the thoughts of the baker as her hands knead the dough, or her patience as she waits for the dough to rise. Unseen and unmeasured, this is the ingredient that makes the difference. Warm, fresh from the oven with a little butter, the difference you taste is friendship. Friendship has a smell. It smells like the slightly burnt cookies your brother made especially for you. It smells like your home when stepping into it after being away for a long time. It smells like a sandbox or a sweaty gym. Friendship has a variety of smells. Taken for granted at the moment, they define the memory of friendship. Finally, more than the other senses, friendship is an experience of the heart. It is the language of the heart a language without words, vowels, or consonants; a language that, whether seen, felt, heard, or tasted, is understood by the heart. Like air fills the lungs, friendship fills the heart, allowing us to experience the best life has to offer: a friend.

10 In this problem and solution essay, sixth-grade writer Nicholas grabs the reader s attention with some shocking statistics that identify the problem. The essay closes with some possible solutions as well as a point to ponder. Cheating in America Did you know that 7 out of 10 students have cheated at least once in the past year? Did you know that 50 percent of those students have cheated more than twice? These shocking statistics are from a survey of 9,000 U.S. high school students. Incredibly, teachers may even be encouraging their students to cheat! Last year at a school in Detroit, teachers allegedly provided their students with answers to statewide standard tests. Students at the school told investigators that they were promised pizza and money if they cheated on the test as told. Similar allegations at several schools in San Diego county have prompted investigation. A student at a local high school says she sees students cheating on almost every test, and the teachers don t do anything about it. The kids claim that they re tempted to cheat because of peer pressure and intense competition to get top grades. Many kids also say that their parents are setting a bad example by fudging on income taxes, lying about age to pay lower admission prices, or cheating their way out of a speeding ticket. They are sending a message to their kids that it is okay to cheat and lie. Finding solutions to this problem is difficult. In our school s math classes, each student has different problems on their test papers, so it is useless to look at someone else s answers. Teachers could also randomly mix the problems throughout the page. Another solution is for adults to lower their expectations. Chances are that students believe cheating is the only way to meet unreasonably high expectations. Perhaps it is time for parents and teachers to seriously examine whether higher test results are important enough to encourage cheating.