1 Alice in Wonderland Scene 1 Sister: The thing about a word problem is that you need to break it up into four parts. First you have to read the problem and work out what the question you are being asked is. You write the question down on the first part of your think board. It s called Polya s Think board and it s broken into four sections Alice! Alice1: Yes? Oh think board, but a prefer stories. Sister: These are stories story sums Alice. So in the strategy box you choose a strategy to work out the word problem. That s the second box. Alice1: (lying on her back looking at the clouds) Oh wow, I see it. Haha. Sister: Then in the third box you actually do the working for the sum. Alice1: A queen, that cloud looks like a queen holding a baby. Sister: Alice will you kindly pay attention to your Maths lessons. Alice1: How can I pay attention to a lesson with no pictures? Sister: In the strategy section you can draw a picture. Alice1: I want pictures of people and creatures and faces and stories. Those strategies don t have eyes. That has eyes! Did you see that rabbit with a waistcoat and a watch run past? Sister: Oh Alice come on. (Sister jumps up and holds out her hands to Alice. They join hands and spin each other around then let go. Sister spins off stage) (Enter white rabbit rushing and looking at his pocket watch). Rabbit: Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late. Alice1: What could a rabbit be late for? Excuse me sir why are you in such a hurry? Are you going to a party or something? Rabbit: I have no time to talk, no time for hellos and goodbyes. Stop talking, stop talking you are confusing me. This way, that way Oh, Oh Oh! I m late, I m late, I m late for a very important date. (rabbit spins off stage). Alice1: (Alice spins around in slow motion as if she is floating down a hole.) Mister Rabbit wait please. Oh look cupboards and bookshelves, maps, pictures. Ooh what s this? (Alice mimes grabbing a jar off the shelf). Orange Marmalade! But it s empty. (Alice struggles to put the jar back.) I wonder if I shall end up on the other side of the world. I ll have to ask somebody which country I m in or maybe there will be I sign. I wonder if cats eat bats or bats eat cats. Ouch! (Alice falls to the ground in a slump). Oh drink me. Right you are I will. Oh yum, cherry tart, custard and roast turkey, what a lovely flavour. (Alice drinks a little bottle that she pulls out from her pocket on the way down) Rabbit: (Rabbit enters and runs in a zig zag around the stage). Oh my ears and whiskers, how late it s getting. Alice1: Wait a minute how am I the same size as you now?
2 Scene 2 (Alice stand centre stage marvelling at her small hands and self. A caterpillar comes sliding in and Alice screams) Caterpillar: Noisy bad mannered girl. Think of my ears you little beast. Alice2: But you have no ears. Are you a slug. Caterpillar: Rude again. I am a caterpillar on my way to becoming a butterfly. Yes a beautiful butterfly. Who are you? Alice2: I hardly know at present at least I know who I was when I got up this morning but I have changed so many times since then. Caterpillar: What do you mean by that? Explain yourself. Alice2: I can t explain myself you see because I am not myself, you see. Caterpillar: No I don t see. Alice2: Well I m afraid I can t put it more clearly because I can t understand myself and being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing. Caterpillar: It isn t. Alice2: Well it is to me and I can t help that. Caterpillar: Where is my pipe? Alice2: I don t know. Smoking is bad for your health! Caterpillar: Only if you have lungs. I don t have to concern myself about that sort of thing. I don t have lungs. Us caterpillars have another system to get oxygen. Alice2: Oh.. ( a silence) I just got here and I ve changed size and I am not very happy about my size. Caterpillar: Keep your temper! So you think you ve changed do you? Alice2: I m afraid I have Sir. I can t remember what I used to and I ve changed size so many times. Caterpillar: Count in multiples of 2 from 0 to 24. Alice2: 0 2 6 10 15 20 24 Caterpillar: That was wrong from beginning to end. Alice2: I told you I m not fine. Caterpillar: Girlie, what s wrong with your size? Three inches is about the right size for Wonderland. You really don t need to worry about your exact size. Don t be so specific, change is good. You should see the change I ll be making one of these days. Now brace up Girlie. Alice2: Why are you calling me Girlie, my name is Alice. I am beginning to not like being here very much. Booo hoo hoo. ( Alice starts to cry a ridiculous big over the top cry.)
Caterpillar: Enough of that. I will help you. Lucky for you I have stuffed my pockets with mushroom. Alice2: Oooo, That s disgusting. Caterpillar: (pulls out a big piece of mushroom) I live on a mushroom. If you eat this side you will get bigger, if you eat that side you will get smaller. But mind, that you don t get so big that you go around hurting people in this land. If you get too big you will never be able to go home and get out of this land. Have you thought of that girlie? Alice2: I will have a bit of the bigger size please. Just a little. I at least want to be bigger than that rabbit I saw. May I have it please. (Caterpillar fishes it out of his pocket and hands it to her ) Alice2: Oh how horrid it s warm. Caterpillar: Give it back then Girlie. Alice2: No I will have some. (She takes a bite and starts to get smaller) Oh dear, it s not working I m getting smaller, help me, Oh no, Oh no. Caterpillar: Eat the other side Girlie. (Alice eats the other side and starts to grow) Alice2: That s better. I m happy with this size. Thank you (she hands back the mushroom and exits while caterpillar has a nibble on the mushroom) Caterpillar: That s fine. You look a bit bigger. (Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee arrive followed by the Cheshire Cat.) Oh look who the cat has dragged in, the Tweedles. I must be going, I have much to think about. Be flexible Girlie. Oh, where did she go? 3 Scene 3 ( Tweedle Dum and Dee play music on their violins as the cat dances and moves to it. Alice 1 comes in from the opposite side and watches in amazement). Cheshire cat: You might like to meet these two fine fellows. May I introduce you. (Alice looks shocked she is speechless) Tweedle Dum: What s the matter, the cat got your tongue? (All fall around laughing but not Alice, she continues to stare) Tweedle Dee: If you think we're wax-works, you ought to pay, you know! Tweedle Dum: Contrariwise, if you think we're alive you ought to speak to us! Dee & Dum: That's logic! Alice1: Well, it's been nice meeting you. Goodbye!
Dee: You're beginning backwards! 4 Dum: Aye, the first thing in a visit is to say: How do you do and shake hands, shake hands, shake hands. How do you do and shake hands and state your name and business. Dee & Dum: That's manners! Dum: Let s give a demonstration. Dee: What fun! How do you do? Dum: Very well and you? Dee: Very well too. Dum: I am Tweedle Dee. Dee: No you are Tweedle Dum and I am Tweedle Dee. Dum: Would you like a cup of tea. Alice1: No thank you. Dum: That s good because we don t have one. Alice1: My name is Alice and I'm following a white rabbit. So... Dee: You can't go yet! Dum: No, the visit has just started! Alice1: I'm very sorry... Dum: Do you like to play hide-and-seek? Dee: Or Piggy in the Middle? Dum: Don t mention pigs. That poor baby is not treated as well as it should be. Dee: Oh the Duchess doesn t treat her piggy very well. She gets annoyed when it sneezes. Oh, do you want to play sneezing from pepper? Alice1: No, thank you. Dee: If you stay long enough we might have a battle! Alice1: That's very kind of you, but I must be going. Dee & Dum: Why? Alice1: Because I am following a white rabbit! Dee & Dum: Why?
5 Alice1: Well, I- I'm curious to know where he is going! Dum: Ohhhh, she's curious! Dear oh dear trouble... Dee: The oysters were curious too, weren't they? Dum: Aye, and you remember what happened to them... Dee & Dum: Poor things! Alice1: Why? What did happen to the oysters? Dee: Oh, you wouldn't be interested. If you will excuse us we are going that way now. Dum: To have a duel with our bows. Dum and Dum: Toodle doo. (they waddle off) Toodle dee. (They prance of pretending to sword fight with their bows) Alice1: Good bye then. (Alice leaves in the opposite direction) Cheshire Cat: Farewell for now. SCENE 4 (Alice 2 enters) Alice2: Now I wonder who lives here... (Enter White Rabbit) White Rabbit: Mary Ann! Drat that girl. Where did she put 'em? Mary Ann! She is supposed to help me but she is always hiding things from me. Mary Ann! Alice2: The rabbit! I ve been looking for you. White Rabbit: Mary Ann! It s no use. My gloves. Oh, ohhh. That girl. What has she done with them and on such an important day. Alice2: Excuse me sir, but- but I've been trying to... White Rabbit: Why, Mary Ann! What are you doing here? Alice2: Mary Ann? White Rabbit: Don't just do something stand there! Uh... no no! Go go! Go get my gloves! I'm late! Alice2: But late for what? That's just what I...
White Rabbit: My gloves! At once, do you hear! 6 Alice2: You need to give me a clue as to where I should look. White Rabbit : Mary Anne, you should know as its your job to keep the place tidy. Speaking of which it s a dreadful mess in here. Tidy up, tidy up, tidy up. Alice2: I can t, I don t know where to start. White Rabbit: That is because you have been changing size so many times. Look at all the things you have knocked over. Oh I don t have time for this conversation. Alice2: Where are you going that is all I want to know? White Rabbit: To visit the Queen. It s the croquet procession and then we have to find out who stole the jam tarts and I have an important role in that you know. Oh no, Oh no. My gloves. I shall be late. Alice2: Are these them. White Rabbit: Yes, yes, yes! I am saved I shall keep my head. Good job Mary Ann. (Rabbit races off) Alice2: But I m not Mary Ann. Wait! Please! Just a minute! Oh, dear. I'll never catch him while I'm this small. (Alice curls up in a ball in centre stage and sobs. Flowers enter) SCENE 5 Alice1: O Tiger-lily. How beautiful you are. I wish you could talk. Tiger-lily: We can talk when there is somebody worth talking to. Alice1: And can all the flowers talk? Daisy: As well as you can, only a great deal louder. Rose: It isn t manners for us to begin talking, you know. I really was wondering when you would talk. Tiger-lily: Her face has got some sense in it, though it is not a clever one. Daisy: Still she is the colour of a flower and that goes along way. (All flowers agree) Rose: I don t care so much about her colour but her petals could be a better shape. Alice1: Aren t you all sometimes scared being out here on your own with nobody to take care of you? Tiger-lily: There is the tree in the middle. What else is it good for? Alice1: But what could it do if any danger came? Daisy: It says bough wough. That s why it s branches are called boughs.
(All flowers laugh) 7 Daisy: Didn t you know that, didn t you know that? Tiger-lily: Silence, that s enough. Alice1: Yes that is enough. I will pick any of you who are being annoying! (Silence, all the flowers look at each other nervously) Alice1: How is it that you can all talk? Rose: Put your hand down and feel the ground. Then you will know why. Alice1: It s very hard but I don t see what that has to do with anything. Rose: Exactly. In most gardens they make the beds too soft, so the flowers can t talk. Violet: I never saw anybody who looked stupider. You can t be a flower you must be a weed. Tiger-lily: You hold your tongue. You know so little about the world. Just keep your head under your leaves and snore away! Alice1: Are there any more people in the garden besides me? Rose: There is another redder flower than you. She has spikes around her head and looks more like a dahlia. Daisy: Prettier than you but that s not your fault. You are starting to fade and are a bit of a weed. Violet: We don't want weeds in our bed! Other flower: Move along, move along! Alice1: Oh, all right, if that's the way you feel about it. If I were my right size, I could pick every one of you if I wanted to! And I'd guess that'd teach you! Seems to me they could learn a few things about manners! ( Alice walks on the spot and the flowers leave). SCENE 6 (Duchess comes in holding a baby, with the cook following shaking pepper and the cat calmly following) Alice2: Hello, Oh my, your cat has a big smile. I have seen her around before. May I ask what type of cat it is? Duchess: It smiles because it s a Cheshire cat. PIG! Alice2: Oh (jumps) I didn t know Cheshire Cats could smile. I didn t know any cats could smile. Duchess: Well they all can and most of then do. Alice2: I didn t know that. Duchess: Well you don t know much and that s a fact!
Cook: Lets shake some pepper about and have a sneezing competition. Duchess: No don t dare. I can t stand it when this baby starts to sneeze. It has a dreadful sneeze. It goes right through my bones. Cook: Well I challenge you to a sneezing contest and you can be in it too girl. GO! (Cook starts shaking pepper all over the place. They all start sneezing and the baby makes a dreadful squeak. ) Cook: I won, I won, I won! Duchess: No actually the baby wins, the baby is still sneezing. Cook: The competition is over now. It can stop sneezing. Duchess: Well it won t. Here you hold the baby. We are going. (Gives the baby to Alice Baby stops sneezing when D and C exit.) Alice2: Oh what a strange face this baby has. It looks like a pig. (Alice unwraps the baby) Oh my, it is a pig. I had better go and let it free in that forest. I wonder which way I should go. Cheshire Cat: Well, that depends on where you want to get to. Alice2: Oh, it really doesn't matter, as long as I g... Cheshire Cat: Then it really doesn't matter which way you go. He went that way. Alice2: Who did? Cheshire Cat: The white rabbit. Alice2: He did? Cheshire Cat: He did what? Alice2: Went that way? Cheshire Cat: Who did? Alice2: The white rabbit! Cheshire Cat: What rabbit? Alice2: But didn't you just say... I mean... oh dear! Cheshire Cat: Can you stand on your head? Alice2: Oh! 8
Cheshire Cat: However, if I were looking for a white rabbit, I'd ask the Mad Hatter. 9 Alice2: The Mad Hatter? Uh... no, no, I don't- I don't want to be around anybody mad. Cheshire Cat: Or, there's the March Hare. In that direction. Alice2: Oh, thank you. I- I think I shall visit him. Cheshire Cat: Of course, he's mad too. Alice2: But I don't want to go among mad people! Cheshire Cat: Oh, you can't help that. Almost everyone is mad here. You are mad too. We are all mad. (They walk off together). SCENE 7 Alice walks out left and March Hare, Mad Hatter and Dormouse come in set up a tea party March Hare: So glad you could come over to me for tea Hatter and bring our little friend, Dormouse. Come on lets pour the tea. Dormouse: I m rather tiered I need you to sit there and you to sit there so I can prop up for a rest. Hatter: No problem at all. (Mouse falls asleep with head on the table.) Hatter and Hare: Elbow rest. (Place elbows on Mouse s head at the same time. Enter White Rabbit) White Rabbit: Oh I m late. She will have my head for this. Hatter: Mr Rabbit, calm down. Nobody worries about time anymore, it doesn t exist. I murdered it. Sit down and calm yourself with a cup of something. White Rabbit: I shouldn t. Hatter: You must! White Rabbit: I shouldn t! Hatter: You must! (Enter Cheshire Cat a little acrobatic show and music. They all stop shocked and watch). Cheshire Cat: Oh you really must. White Rabbit: Oh gosh, oh goodness, I must. (He sits down and jiggles). Sit, sit, sit, sit. There I ve sat. What is the time Oh dear oh dear. Off with my head, off with my head. ( He runs off just as Alice is entering. Cheshire cat moves to the edge of the stage to watch the action. Enter Alice 1). Alice1: That looks uncomfortable for that mouse. Only it s asleep so I suppose it doesn t mind.
10 Hatter: Who are you? I don t trust the look of you. Run along no room here. Alice1: There is plenty of room.(alice sits at the end of the table) March Hare: Have some cordial. Alice1: I don t see any cordial. March Hare: There isn t any cordial. Alice1: Well then, it wasn t very civil of you to offer it. March Hare: Well then, it wasn t very cordial of you to sit down without being invited. Mmmmm? Alice1: I didn t know it was your table and anyway there are plenty places here. You could easily fit more than three. Hatter: Your hair needs cutting. Alice1: You shouldn t make personal remarks! It s rude. Hatter: Why is a raven like a writing desk? Alice1: Oh goody riddles. Now I will show you. Let s have some fun. Hare: Do you mean you think you can find the answer? Alice1: Yes I do. Hare: Then say what you mean. Alice1: I do. At least I mean what I say. That is the same thing, isn t it? Hatter: Not at all the same thing. You might as well say, I see what I eat is the same as, I eat what I see, or I like what I get, is the same as, I get what I like. Dormouse: You might as well say that, I breathe when I sleep, is the same thing as, I sleep when I breathe. Hatter: It is the same thing. (silence all round) Hatter: What day of the month is it?(looks at Alice. takes watch out pocket and looks at it.) Alice1: The fourth Hatter: Two days wrong. (to the Hare). I told you butter wouldn t be the right thing to use on its works. Hare: It was the best butter. I suppose, maybe some crumbs got in it as well. Perhaps? Hatter: You shouldn t have used the bread knife in the butter. (Takes watch and dips it in a cup of tea). Hare: It was the best butter you know.
Alice1: That is an interesting watch, it tells the day but not the o clock. Does your watch tell the year as well? Hatter: Of course not. Does yours? Alice1: Well no it doesn t need to because it stays the same year for so long. Hatter: Just the case with mine! Hare: Mouse is asleep again. Dormouse: Yes that is exactly what I thought. Very well, very well. Mm mm ye yes mmm ok. No problem! Hatter: Have you guessed the riddle yet? Alice1: No I haven t. What is the answer? Hatter: I have not the slightest idea. Hare: Nor I Alice1: I think I might do something better with my time. Hare: Well it s always tea time since Hatter murdered the Queens time with his nasty singing. Let s go and have tea time at yours now Hatter. We will sing all the way there. Come on Dormouse sing or we will put you in the tea pot. Dormouse: Ah no, no, not the pot again! Alice1: I don t think that would be very nice Hatter: Then you shouldn t talk! (They carry their tea things out singing Twinkle Twinkle little bat. How I wonder what you re at, Up above the world you fly, like a tea-tray in the sky, Twinkle twinkle etc) Alice1: I don t think I will be visiting them again It s the stupidest tea party I have ever had in my life. Scene 8 (Enter Flamingos carrying ice packs on their heads) Flamingo 1: Owe, owe, owe, owe. Ice, ice more ice. Our poor heads. Alice: Whatever has happened to you? Did you fall out if the sky? Flamingo 2: We are being used as croquet clubs, by the Queen. Flamingo abuse and there is nothing that can be done about it. Flamingo 1: And not a single soul to stand up for us. Nobody cares about flamingos. Flamingo 2: We re the thinnest of the thin. Alice: You re not that thin. Kind of average. Your legs are thin. Flamingo 1: The lowest of the low. 11
12 Alice: No you are not low. I ve seen creatures a lot lower than you. Flamingo 2: The pinkest of the pink. Alice: Well yes, that s true you are pink. Flamingo 1: Somebody is coming. Act like a flamingo! (They hide the ice packs behind their backs and stand up straight in the back ground) (Enter the Cards with buckets of paint and brushes they start painting the rose bushes) Card 2: Look out number five! Don t go splashing paint all over me like that! Card 5: I couldn t help it. Seven bumped my elbow. Card 7: That s right 5. Go ahead and lay the blame on others as you always do. Card 5: You had better not talk. I heard that the Queen said yesterday that you should be beheaded. Card 2: What for? Card 7: That s none of your business 2. Card 5: Yes it is his business and I will tell him it was for bringing the cook tulip roots instead of onions. (Enter Alice, she stands watching them without them noticing. Seven flings down his brush in a tantrum) Card 7: Well of all the unjust things in the world! Alice2: Would you tell me why you are painting those roses? Card 2: Well you see Miss, we were supposed to plant red rose bushes but we planted white ones by a mistake. The fact is Miss if the Queen finds out she will have all our heads off, so we painting them red before she comes to.. Card 5: The Queen! The Queen! (The cards fall flat on their faces. Enter the White Rabbit in a panic carrying a scroll followed by The King and Queen) Queen: (To the flamingos) Who is this? (The flamingos bow) Idiots! What is your name child? Alice2: My name is Alice, so please your Majesty. Queen: And who are these? Alice2: How should I know? It s no business of mine. Queen: Off with her head, off with her head! King: Consider my dear that she is only a child. Queen: How dare you talk to me in that way you little man. King: Well actually dear, I am the King.
Queen: Hold your tongue. (to the flamingos) Turn these gardeners over and we shall see. (the flamingos do so carefully).get up! (the 3 gardeners jump up and bow to the Queen). Leave off that you make me giddy. (Goes to the rose bushes). What have you been doing here? Card 2: May it please you your Majesty, we were trying to.. Queen: I see! Off with their heads. (to the king) Alice: (While the Queen is examining the roses further). Come to me. Run for your lives. (the cards scrabble out). King: I don t really know how to do heads. Oh dear me ( he spins in a circle) Queen: Are their heads off then? King: Their heads are gone dear. (to Alice) And so are they. Queen: That s right! I will play croquet now with you Rabbit. Get our clubs. Put that scroll away. Rabbit: Most certainly your Majesty. (He gets the flamingos by the wing). It s a very fine day. Queen: Get to your places. (All freeze except for Alice and King. Enter Cheshire cat) Alice: Oh king this cat is a friend of mine. It s a Cheshire Cat. Allow me to introduce you. King: I don t like the look of it. However it may kiss my hand if it likes. Cat: I d rather not. King: Don t be impertinent and don t look at me like that. Cat: A cat may look at a King. Alice: Yes I have read that in a book somewhere. King: How dare the two of you. (cat tumbles out). It s disappearing. Come back here for your punishment. (The other creatures unfreeze) Queen: Come along Croquet time! My time! On our way we go. Come along. King: (to Alice while walking backwards).you should have your head off really. You are no better than that rude cat. (All exit except for Alice. Other Alice enters they hold hands and spin around. Alice 2 leaves and Alice 1 is left in a heap centre stage.) Alice 1: Who cares about you. You are nothing but a pack of cards. Sister: Alice wake up. You have had such a long sleep! Alice 1: Oh I have had such a curious dream. Sister: All dreams are curious. Alice 1: I think it may have been real. It seemed so real. I was the size of a caterpillar you know. 13
Sister: Dreams can be like that. Now run along to your tea dear. It s getting late. (Alice runs off stage and sister follows shaking her head and smiling). (Enter Caterpillar, followed by Hatter, March Hare, Dormouse, Duchess and Cook) Hatter: Where is that girl then? She wanted an invitation and now she has got one. March Hare: Well it s more of a summons than an invitation. Duchess: What I want to know, is whose got my pig? Cook: You never really wanted that pig anyway. Dormouse: True, true. (They all look around in silence) Caterpillar: Well she appears to have become invisible and so that is the end of that. (All exit or curtains close)