SUZANNE Caleb! Can you turn that down? Jake's trying to sleep! Caleb's voice responds distantly from the other room.

Transcription

1 (24) is cooking pasta while her infant son sits nearby in a bassinette. Her humming is barely audible over the sounds of a football game being watched in the next room. Caleb! Can you turn that down? Jake's trying to sleep! Caleb's voice responds distantly from the other room. (OS) Not really, babe! Sorry! Suzanne rolls her eyes. Suzanne saunters into the living room, spoon in hand. (26) has his wiry frame perched on the edge of the sofa, which is littered with beer bottles and bags of Doritos. A large dog is sprawled out on the floor. Hey. "Babe." Seriously. Turn it down. Caleb looks up briefly. What are you going to do with that thing, ladle me to death? Suzanne chuckles, thrusting her spoon at him mockingly. Don't tempt me. Caleb smiles and goes back to watching his game. She walks back into the kitchen. The game is still audible and the baby has fallen asleep. She resumes her humming as she opens a can of tomato sauce, empties it into a saucepan, and moves to throw the can away. As she opens the trashcan, she recoils. She heaves and slams the lid shut.

2 Honey, why didn't you take out the trash? No reply. Caleb! I know you hear me. Come take out the trash! (OS) During the commercial! No, now! Suzanne storms back into the living room. It reeks in there! I think the baby might choke or something. Caleb is distracted by the game. The Vikings are playing. You're not from Minnesota. And the baby's not dying. Relax. No. I won't. I won't relax until you do right now what you told me you would do yesterday. Can't you do it? I have to watch the baby. Bring him in here and I'll watch him. I have to watch the pasta.

3 Bring it in here and I'll watch it. Caleb! Suzanne. You know today's my only day off. I just wanna kick back with some brewskis and watch the game. Fine. Fine? Fine. Suzanne, angry, fumes on her way back to the kitchen. She rummages in a cupboard until she finds a large pot. She opens a drawer and removes a metal spoon. Suzanne enters the living room and begins banging the pot with the spoon. The dog howls, but Caleb is playing on his phone, unphased. How about now? You're gunna wake up Jake. I'm gunna-- Ugh! She returns to the kitchen, exasperated. The baby is awake and crying and the pasta is boiling over, but Suzanne ignores them both. She puts the pot and spoon away and stares intently at the garbage can. Suddenly, Suzanne has an idea. She rummages through her cupboards, removing every stinky thing she can find. Piles of pickle jars, anchovy tins, and the like are on the counter. She opens each item and dumps it in the trash. She yanks at the drawstrings on the bag and picks it up,

4 hoisting it over her shoulder. She carries the bag to the living room, where she tucks it behind the sofa without Caleb seeing. The baby's crying can be heard from the other room. I'm sorry I was a pill, darling. I took care of it myself. Thanks, Suzanne. Any time. Suzanne exits. Soon after, the baby stops crying. Caleb continues watching football. He stands up and cheers as his team wins the game. Feeling victorious, he turns the TV off and stretches. He inhales deeply through his nose and grimaces. He sniffs his armpits. They're clean. He sniffs the dog. It's fine. He walks away from the couch, circling the room. He finally checks behind the sofa and, seeing the bag of trash, furrows his eyebrows and becomes upset. He picks up the bag and starts to leave the room. Hey! Suzanne! Yes? (OS) He reconsiders. After glancing over to an open window on the other side of the room, he turns back. Nothing! He uses all his strength to lift the bag onto the windowsill and push it off. There is a loud crash and a car alarm goes off, continuing through the rest of the scene. Caleb leaves the room, satisfied with his solution. Caleb enters the kitchen and hugs Suzanne from behind as she stirs at the stove. The car alarm is still going off and the

5 baby is asleep, but fussing. I've taken care of everything. Suzanne huffs as if she is fed up with him, but she's smiling lovingly at the pasta. Thank you, Caleb. Suzanne reaches up and kisses him on the cheek. Any time, love. Any time. Caleb holds her tight. Suzanne winces. END I just wish someone would turn off that damn car alarm. Some people are so lazy.